“I am sorry.”
There is not a person I know who has not heard me say those words. More than likely they have heard me say those words often enough, that they have had to tell me to stop saying it.
After a while, it ceases to have meaning. Actions speak louder than words – words repeated over and over and over again. Actions that demonstrate and live out meaning.
So, to all of those people, I am trying to be ….. repentant.
To repent is supposed to mean a change, a turn – a 180 degree turn.
I had planned to make some phone calls and connections today.
Not enough hours, and too many holes for the thoughts to fall out of my head again.
So, there is tomorrow. And the day after that, and the one after that. And so on and so on.
I want to not be caught in the loop of feeling sorry (for myself) and seeking reassurance from everywhere and everyone else that they don’t hate me for being a failure.
Instead, I want to act in a way that lives in to forgiveness, and changes from where things were. I want to give and not take.
I am still trying to figure that out.
A very wise person once told me “You HAVE to forgive yourself. If you don’t, then you are making yourself bigger than God, who has already forgiven you.”
I am very, very thankful for those who have the patience to wait for me to figure out what it means to be repentant in action. And to those who couldn’t wait anymore. I understand.